I started a business and then got pregnant. OH S!*%…
If you read my last blog post you’ll know that I thought long and hard about working for myself before making the jump into starting The Doers with Jess.
As with all things new there comes challenges. Little did I know that just a week after handing in my notice, and just a couple of weeks into starting to plan with Jess, I’d hit a BIG curve ball. We found out we were pregnant…and it was a HUGE surprise!
Surprise!
Despite having two children (one of which has just turned 3 and the other is only 18 months), it might seem odd to some that this slip up happened. I mean, surely we should know by now how this whole thing works?!
We were, somewhat foolishly and naively, taken in by the marketing ploys of an app called Natural Cycles. If you haven’t heard of it before, the app uses a combination of your body’s natural cycle and your temperature. From this it gives you green days (go forth and have unprotected sex); and red days (if you don’t want another baby, wear a condom!)! I won’t go into all of the gory details, but the app didn’t work! One little adventure, apparently 16 days clear of any possibility and whoops – we’re pregnant! Thanks Natural Cycles! (Note: Natural Cycles is prime example of a marketing campaign that works but not for the greater good of mankind! The way they’ve adopted influencer marketing got me hooked and I’m sure many others. I’m still not sure whether or not to high five them for that or question my own sanity!).
There’s never a right time.
Timing is never right when it comes to having kids but this was a particularly sticky point for us.
I had just handed in my notice and was deep into planning The Doers launch with Jess. Working for yourself and pregnancy don’t really go hand-in-hand!
My husband, David, had just signed up (and paid) to do a two-year MBA. This basically means studying, assignments and long days away from home every other weekend
I had only just started to come out the other side of postnatal depression that I experienced with my second child
In the past three years I had only had 2 months where I wasn’t pregnant or breastfeeding. My mind and my body were exhausted and I was so looking forward to having something for me that I could throw myself into whole heartedly.
Understanding the guilt
Jess was one of the first to know and came over to chat everything through. I shed quite a few tears and desperately started the inevitable google-panic-search. I hoped to find other people who this had happened to. To see if it was normal to feel as shocked and upset as I did.
To be honest I didn’t find a lot that helped me – a big reason as to why I’m writing this post. I’ve been wracked with guilt so many times about how upset I felt in those early days. There were occasions when I wished I wasn’t pregnant again, and when I knew so many people, friends included, who would give anything to be in my position – it was hard not to hate myself for feeling that way.
Seven months down the line and I can finally look back and see that my initial gut response was totally understandable. I accept the way I felt and have had incredible support to help me plan how I can make this work for me, my family and the business.
A tough year
2018 was a tough year. My youngest, Oliver, had awful colic which tested me like nothing else had before. I spent months going from total worry that something was really wrong with him that the doctors hadn’t spotted; to thinking he was just wired wrong and there was nothing we could do about it; to blaming myself and being utterly convinced that he screamed so much because he hated me.
Seriously, any ridiculous thought any scenario, flashes to a future akin to ‘We Need to Talk About Kevin’ – I had them all!
I’d gone from being sociable, someone who liked getting out of the house, to someone scared to leave. Oli could scream to a level I didn’t know possible and my shoulders were constantly up by my ears. I was trapped in my own home with a baby, who I loved, but found very hard to like and enjoy!
Taking its toll
No surprise that this took its toll. Hormones, breastfeeding and never being able to feel like I could really leave his side. There were changes to my body with a rapid onset of grey hairs and wrinkles! I would look in the mirror and think ‘who is that person?’ I felt constantly tired and was snappy with everyone. My ability to go from nothing to hysterical was seriously impressive!
How I started to feel about myself and the long days and nights of screaming started to take their toll on my relationship with my husband, David, and my wider family. Even when Oli stopped crying and started to become the smiley, giggling, cheeky (naughty!) little boy he is today, we had so many doubts about ourselves that the hard work had only just begun.
Exhausted
When I found out I was pregnant again, my mind and body went into shock mode. The thought of having another baby was at times amazing but for the most part, entirely daunting. The thought of putting myself through the strain of being a new mum, the hormones and the exhaustion so close after my last tricky baby, terrified me. And it all happened at a time where, for the first time in what felt like a long time, I was hugely excited about life settling down and getting my teeth into a business I am hugely passionate about.
Starting my own business whilst pregnant
Let’s talk about the business! I’d been talking about The Doers with Jess for such a long time. I had battled with my inner critic for months, and had finally plucked up the courage to believe in myself to do it and start working for myself.
But now the comfort of a 9-5, set maternity leave and a job I knew well and could totally switch off from when I left the office seemed very, very appealing!
I talked it all through with David, looked at things from every angle, played many, many rounds of ‘worst-case scenario’. We looked at everything we learnt from having two children, colic and PND. Then we talked openly and honestly about what we should do differently this time.
There were tears, definitely some shouting and the conversation unrolled over several days! But, eventually, I decided I was going to stick with it and set up The Doers. Not because it was the easy option – it certainly wasn’t; or because anyone was telling me to do it – everyone supported me to do whatever I felt was right; and certainly not because it would mean more money – it doesn’t! But because working for myself was something I really wanted to do and I wasn’t going to let this surprise stop me.
So what have I learnt?!
I’m more engaged and switched on to work than I have been in years. Working for myself means I can pick and choose when and where I work, and even what I work on. I’m at the very beginning stages of writing for myself – something I hope to do more once baby number three is here.
All of this, I think, has made me more enjoyable to be around and has helped me be a better Mummy to my boys. Working for myself has pulled me through the fog of PND and has helped me find my feet again.
The only problem now? I don’t want to give up my home office space, which is going to have to be a nursery in the coming months! Interiors folk, please send me ideas on how to style a tiny box room into an office AND nursery space…
Long story short? You CAN start a business at any time. Pregnancy should not stop you from doing your own thing! More to come soon!